June 10, 2012 The Asset Queen

The test you want to fail

My client and friend Diana found this in her mailbox:

Scooter test
It was a direct-mail letter for, you guessed it, mobility scooters!

If you’ve read my blog for any length of time (like more than a week), you know that scooters are one of my pet peeves.

Don’t get me wrong, there are probably a handful of truly disabled or older folks that truly must use an expensive scooter. Uhh…maybe less than a handful. But they’re not the ones I’m kvetching about! I’m referring to the ones who can easily find their way to their fat-filled refrigerators—on their own 2 legs—but sit on their assets the rest of the day. Don’t get me started! I feel a “Bethy tangent” might be coming on soon!

For those of us who live in central Florida, you just need to spend an afternoon at Disney to see what I’m talking about. You can practically get run over by all the mobility scooters—and trust me, most of the people on them are not disabled; they are simply very overweight and on their scooters because they’ve forgotten how to move their assets. (And they may be able to move to the front of the line more quickly at Disney…hmmm, maybe not such a bad idea!)

Just kidding…bad idea!!

Diana took the "Mobility Assessment" test—and thankfully she failed it miserably—probably because she moves her assets with me 3 times a week—and she even moves them without me. She’s lucky she “failed” because I would have put her through even more grueling torture than I do now! Diana, the purple discs of death would be just the beginning!

In case you think Diana is a 20-something, she's not. She's 63.

Trail Mix 1-29-11
That's Diana on the far left–and she's not the oldest one in the picture, either. I have clients in their mid 70s and they'll never need scooters to get around because they move their assets on their own every day. (You'll read about them in my upcoming book.)

So take the test yourself and see how you score

Personal Mobility Assessment Test

1. Do you sometimes feel left out by not being able to get together with family and friends?

Bethy replies: Uh…I always feel left out, but I don’t think a mobility scooter will solve this. Maybe my shrink will!

2. Do you have health-related issues that limit your mobility?

Bethy replies: Ok, now I’m fired up and have to go off on a “Bethy tangent.” Actually, this question should read, “Do you have heath-related issues because you have limited your mobility?"

If you have not moved your assets in 30 years, it is of no coincidence that you have a handful of hypokenetic diseases and that your legs have forgotten how to move your oversized torso around. Incidentally, hypokenetic diseases such as type 2 diabetes, obesity and high blood pressure are caused by living a sedentary lifestyle. The word hypokenetic literally means "decreased bodily movement."

3. Are you having trouble getting to your kitchen or dining facility by yourself for a meal?

4. Is it difficult for you to get to the bathroom on your own?

5. Are you unable to easily access your clothes and dress yourself each day?

6. Have you lost the ability to operate a manual wheelchair inside your home?

7. Are you feeling like a bother to others due to limited mobility?

8. Have you fallen in the past 12 months?

If you answered “yes” to more than one of them, you don’t need a scooter—you need to read my book, Move Your Assets: From the Chair, Not the Bank. Ok, it’s not ready yet, so you can read my inspirational, motivational no-nonsense blog posts for now (or hire me to kick your assets in person…if you dare). If you are one of my “victims,” err I mean, clients, I am sure you will fail this test like Diana did!

The scooter promo ends by saying:

“You can’t imagine how much a scooter will add to your well-being, independence and happiness.”

No, what will add to your well-being, independence and happiness is reacquainting yourself with your unused, atrophied body parts so that you don't have to depend on pills, doctors and machines to get you through the day or even just to your bathroom, kitchen or dining facility!

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